Each person and situation is unique, so there is no “one size fits all” care plan. However, there are some things you can do to assess what kind of care people need.

Personal check in
The best way to personally check in with someone is to meet with them in person. You can go to coffee, a restaurant, invite them over for dinner, go on a walk together, etc. If meeting in person is not an option, a phone call is great. During the conversation, here are some questions you can ask:

• I’ve noticed you seem distant/withdrawn during the group. Is there anything weighing on you right now that you would like to talk about? 
• Would you like me to just listen, help practically, or check in with you regularly? 
• Do you have any physical needs I can help with (grocery shopping, cleaning your house, driving you somewhere, etc.)? 
• How are you doing spiritually in the middle of this?
• What are specific things I can pray for? 
• Would it be alright if I check in with you about this next week? 
• Would it be alright if I brought you dinner tomorrow? 
• Do you want anyone else to know about this so they can pray for you as well?
   

Connect them to resources
As a group leader, you are not responsible for giving them professional support. You can be there to pray for them, listen to them, and support them as they walk through a difficult season. But sometimes the best thing we can do for people is to refer them to professional services.

Point them to the Care and Support page on our website for counseling recommendations, support group information, community resources, and more.

Prayer
Prayer is the most powerful thing we can do for people. Here are some suggestions for how your group can care for each other through prayer:

1. Regularly check in and update specific information for prayer requests. If the person is in the hospital or in a situation where they cannot come to group to give these updates themselves, you might ask someone to volunteer to be the prayer coordinator for getting updates and relaying them to the group.
2. Start a prayer calendar: everyone signs up for specific times of day to pray for the person in need throughout the week.
3. Prayer partners: Put everyone in pairs of 2 each week and allow time for the pairs to share prayer requests during the group. Then encourage the pairs to reach out during the week with encouragement such as:

• "I'm praying for you today!" 
• "I wanted to share this verse with you." 
• "How did your interview go today? I was praying for you this morning." 

Physical Support 
When life is overwhelming, it can be difficult to do basic weekly tasks. Here are some suggestions for how you can help meet practical physical needs:
1. Provide dinner for them and their family
2. Pick up their groceries or other items they may need
3. Offer to drive them to appointments
4. Offer to pick up and watch their kids after school or for a few hours on the weekend
5. Offer to clean their kitchen or do their laundry 

During the Group
You don’t want to embarrass or shut anyone down in front of the group, but sometimes you may need to redirect someone who is either oversharing or dominating the conversation. Here are some phrases you can use to gently but firmly guide the conversation away from them:

"[Name], I love hearing your input, but I want others to be able to share too, so can you sum up your thoughts over the next 30 seconds and then we can let others jump in?”

“[Name], you seem to have a lot of thoughts to share on this subject, and I would love to hear more of them! Why don’t we discuss them after the group ends so we can let others share now.”

Private Conversation
If the same person consistently dominates the conversation, you may need to have a private conversation with them after the group meeting either in person or over the phone. During this conversation, you will want to:

1. Affirm their participation and eagerness to share. We want people in groups to be engaged in the conversation and feel safe sharing, so we don’t want to discourage their participation. 
2. Summarize the concern. Present what you have noticed as the leader and discuss your concern for others not being able to share as much. Focussing on the others in the group helps to not single out the person or make them feel like they are in trouble.
3. Give guidelines to their input. This is helpful for setting expectations on how they will participate in the conversations moving forward. Ask them to help you encourage others to share their thoughts first to ensure that everyone gets the chance to speak who wants to.
   

Here is an example script you can use:
“Hey [Name], I wanted to talk with you about something small but important for the group dynamic. First, I really appreciate your enthusiasm and willingness to participate. It’s clear you care about the group and are engaged in the conversations.

One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that sometimes the discussions can become a little unbalanced, and other people don’t always get the opportunity to share as much. As a leader, I want to make sure everyone feels comfortable contributing and has space to process out loud.

So I wanted to ask for your help with that. Going forward, would you be mindful of leaving a little more space in discussions, maybe pausing before responding, or limiting how often you jump in so others can contribute first? Your insights are valuable, and I definitely still want you participating; I just want to help create a rhythm where everyone can engage.

I really appreciate you hearing this, and I’m grateful for the way you care about the group.”

Encouragement & Gentle Reminders
After the next meeting, if the person doesn’t dominate and does what you suggested by helping others share more, it’s a great opportunity for you to encourage that behavior by thanking them for letting others share more.

If the person continues to dominate the conversation, you will need to have another conversation to remind them of your plan to help others share so the conversation can be more balanced. 

There will inevitably come a time (probably many!) when you don't know how to answer someone's question...and that's okay! You do not need to be a bible scholar to be an effective group leader. Here are some ways you can navigate difficult questions:

1. Say "I don't know"
 Be honest and admit that you don't know the answer to their question. This goes a long way with people because it reminds them that we don't have to know everything to have genuine faith.

2. Ask if anyone else has thoughts 
As the leader, your job is to facilitate the conversation. Part of doing that is to open up questions for the whole group to discuss. Perhaps someone else in the group has thoughts or input that would be helpful.

3. Offer to send some resources 
Sometime before the next meeting, look up some resources that could help give clarity to their question. Visit the Discipleship & Bible Study Resources page for a list of helpful websites for looking up questions.

It is common for people to be shy about praying in front of others. While we don't want to force people pray, we do want to disciple them toward healthy habits and spiritual growth. Here are some things you can do with your group to encourage more participation in prayer:

1. Establish a few "default" prayer people: Ask 2-3 people to be "default" prayer volunteers. These people can rotate volunteering to pray if no one else volunteers. Hopefully this will demonstrate praying to the others in your group and they will eventually feel bold enough to volunteer themselves.
 
2. Set up a prayer rotation: For groups that have been together for a while, you could set up a rotation where a new person prays each week.

3. Create a deeper prayer rhythm: Check in on your prayer requests from last week to see how things are going this week. Then, instead of one person praying for all of the new prayer requests, spend time praying for each other by distributing the prayer requests among the group and going in a circle taking turns praying for each other. This is one of the best ways to intentionally check in with people's lives and gently encourage people to step out of their comfort zone to pray.

4. Remind them that prayer doesn't need to be perfect: Sometimes we just need a reminder that both God and the rest of the group don't care if you stumble over your words, or have a long pause to gather your thoughts. People will feel loved and cared for by your willingness to pray for them regardless of the length or eloquence of the prayer.

5. Recommend a book on prayer: It can be hard to pray in front of others if you've never done it before. Here are a few simple resources to help people learn how to pray:
Navigators Prayer Tools
Watermark Church: How to Pray
Enjoy Your Prayer Life by Michael Reeves

If you live in community long enough, you will have to have hard conversations with people you care about.  

How to Have Hard Conversations